Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
