If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
