Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
