I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
