I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
that is very illegal...i love you.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize