After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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