i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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