I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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