Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
