I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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