Barsexuality is the new black.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
