First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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