if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
