I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
