ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
