How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
