I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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