Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
