he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
