What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
