i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Randomize
