If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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