Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
