we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
