I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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