Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
