the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
