Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
