Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
