If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
