And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
