I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
