didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
