Well apparently he's into motor boating.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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