Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
