A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Swine flu. Run for my life!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
And then he peed in my hair
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