a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
