Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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