Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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