I must be too annoying 4 u.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
