Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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