I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
