I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
