Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's just like the Real World with babies
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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