i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
