I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
