she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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