If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
