he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize