I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
