When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
