Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
