so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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