I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
