Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I need to stop coming to work sober
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
