put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
