Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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