I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
