you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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