wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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