I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
