I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
