i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
