can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My feet surprised me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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