She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
