i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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