should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My feet surprised me
Randomize