Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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