He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
