thus making me awesome and them whores
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
