Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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