He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
