I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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