Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
